A GODDESS RISING!
“Okay Babe…This is the last time for milk. You are a big boy now. You can do it. Mommy will still be here for you.”
Those were the words I whispered to my soon to be three year old son as he nursed for what I knew would be the last time. I must say the next week was physically and spiritually challenging for both of us. Weaning my son represented both the beginning and the end. It was the end of a sacred ritual of bonding between my son and I and the beginning of another conscious conception and spiritual pregnancy.
My husband and I conceived our second child about two weeks after my spirit told me to completely wean my son from the breast. My spirit actually told me the very words that I spoke to my son. I’ll never forget that Friday morning May 9th of 2008, I heard Okay, Maati this is the last time. He is a big boy now. You can do it. You will still be there for him.
Parenting, is a wonderful and bliss filled journey of the spirit. It has charged me to heal and refine and to grow in ways I never thought was possible. I was not surprised when that pregnancy test read positive. I intuitively knew that I was to begin preparing to give birth again. I felt the call from within and was sure that this time it was a girl child calling my name.
During my second pregnancy my being was relaxed and peaceful. Emotionally I felt great. I was in a really good place spiritually. My relationship with my husband was at its best and the only thing I was left to worry about was keeping up with my extremely active and inquisitive three year old fire child! I didn’t have any intense cravings, which I attribute to the peace I felt around me, particularly in my mate relationship.
We decided to birth with The Farm Midwifery Clinic in nearby Summertown, TN. We had the pleasure of interacting with some of the world’s most well known and respected midwives. I felt completely safe and understood. My son and I happily took our monthly road trip to The Farm with our lunches packed, plenty of snacks and my son’s doctor’s kit. He loved to give me a check up and listen to the baby’s heart beat with his toy stethoscope.
At about 32 weeks or so Pamela Hunt, our midwife (my son to this day calls her Midlife…he thinks that’s her name!) informed us that the baby was breech and that I could begin to try to get the baby to turn. Now initially I didn’t think much of it honestly. We all knew I still had plenty of time and that the baby was sure to turn on his/her own. However, as time progressed I began to do a little research on things that could be done to turn a breech baby. There were a number of exercises, rituals and even homeopathic remedies that would facilitate the baby turning. I began with what I considered the easiest of the exercises and slowly began to attempt multiple techniques with a bit more frequency.
Pamela Hunt and The Farm Midwifery Clinic are among the few in the country who actually catch breech babies legally out of the hospital. Physicians in this country are not even trained to deliver breech babies anymore. I knew if this was going to be a breech birth, I was exactly where I was supposed to be. The deal was if the baby had not turned by the time I went into labor I was going to have to deliver at The Farm, otherwise I could have the baby at home, which is what I preferred. Once the deal was put on the table I began to focus heavily on prayer, meditation and talking gently with the baby about turning. This went on for weeks until one night I just decided I was finished. I was no longer going to try to impose my will on the situation. I said “Baby, you know what, if this is the way you want to stay and come into this world I am at peace with it. I trust your decision. I trust the process.” Once I did that I simply relaxed. No more anxiety about complications, no more reading books about breech babies and why this or that happens. No more listening to people question how I could even have a breech without a C-section etc. etc. I blocked all negativity and worry. I decided to let go and let GOD.
Two days later my water broke! The baby was still head up at the time so we made our way to The Farm in the middle of the night. The labor was peaceful. It’s amazing how different pregnancy and childbirth was for me the second time around. I knew mostly what to expect so the process was a lot easier to deal with. Knowing the feeling of being dilated 8 centimeters made 4 and 5 seem like a piece of cake (sort of). I had two wonderful birthing partners. My husband and my cousin were a phenomenal team. I also had two little ones in the background rooting me on. They knew when they heard the word contraction that meant to be very very quiet. It was like a game for them!
As I entered transition I became extremely internal. I didn’t want any assistance, well not verbally anyway. I just needed absolute silence as I delved deep into every sensation. Each contraction sent me deeper and deeper into my own power and strength. I was very clear and knew instinctively that this baby was going to come out healthy and okay. After some time of these silent and very painful contractions, I quietly whispered “go get Pamela”. She was next door busy preparing soup for the after party! She quickly came and checked me. She told me the baby was still up pretty high. I told her I felt like pushing and after a few more contractions our little Goddess was quickly approaching. To everyone’s surprise I went from 7 to 10 centimeters in what seemed like minutes. Everything happened so fast. One of the last contractions I had right before pushing….I will never forget. I was right at the crossroad. I was exhausted and really couldn’t see how I could go on. I could envision myself crying like a baby and saying I can’t do it. I don’t want to do this anymore! Whaaa whaaa whaaa. Then the rational side of me was like but you have to …there is no other option. Your not going to the hospital, you can’t stop now! My husband saw that I was slowly unraveling; he rubbed me and gave me the pep talk of the century. He reminded me of all of the women since the beginning of time who had done this very thing that I was doing. All of the women who were giving birth with me at that very moment. He reminded me of all of my female ancestors and all the Goddesses who were guiding me and protecting me! Well, I must say, he knew exactly what to say. His words were healing and encouraging to my soul. They fed me in that very moment of flight or fight. I mentally knew what I needed to do but hadn’t quite wrapped my heart around what I needed to truly push forward. After that I took what seemed to be the deepest breath I’ve ever taken and it was on! I got up and my princess and I communicated on a level that I may never truly understand. We were preparing for the beginning and the end. She was making her way into the world, leaving the womb behind, her first rites of passage coming to an end as a brand new life awaited her. As I began to push I heard my son in the background getting upset. With the labor progressing so quickly no one had gotten him ready to go outside, so although I was in the middle of the most intense part of the labor ( don’t forget…she was coming butt first), somehow I stopped everything asked them to bring him to me, I put on a smile and said “Mommy is fine okay, Your sister is coming, you can meet her in a minute. Go on outside and play and when you come back you’ll be a big brother!” Half a second after those words poured from my heart I was back into the most intense moment of my life! This illustrates the true magick of birth and womanhood. To be able to step in and out of our many womanly selves is a great gift! I went from warrior woman with the strength of an army to sweet mother with words like honey and back to warrior all within 40 seconds. Birth is truly amazing! I continued to push and totally connected with Pamela, I responded obediently to her every instruction. I knew we had to handle this part very delicately. I closed my eyes because although I was interested in seeing a baby emerge butt first I decided this wasn’t the time! I experienced extreme heat and pressure as I pushed my baby out into this world. As she came out my husband said he could see Pamela go into a trance as she negotiated the best way to bring her on out, he was able to witness the point when intellect and training went out the door. Her movement was guided by GOD. Her hands became GOD’s hands as our little one was brought forth. The whole experience left my husband and I in tears. What a beautiful blessing! What a revolutionary birth experience! How many women are actually able to vaginally deliver a breech baby out of the hospital? Not many. I am honored and will be forever grateful for being chosen to be one of those warrior women. Our 5 lb 14oz daughter, who was 3 weeks early, entered this world on February 3, 2009 at 1:03pm. Another enlightened ancestor returned safely. Welcome back!
Senbi OsunRa Meri
A loving gift from the Goddess Osun who exemplifies radiant health and a strong life force!
Maati Ausarat Neferkhar